Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
