Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
