I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
