She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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