Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
