dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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