real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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