she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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