I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
