If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drake has all the answers
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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