I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
