So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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