I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
