You're my little dorito
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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