It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
