Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
