I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
