if i can run in heels then i can drive
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
