Can i not drive my cunt home
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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