did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
