We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
