She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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