'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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