He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
