i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
