please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't turn off my feet"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
