My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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