1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
