I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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