i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my shit smells like andre
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
