I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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