My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
