Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
