planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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