It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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