Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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