My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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