You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
