Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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