Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
