He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
