No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
