Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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