She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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