I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
