woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i used baking grease as lip gloss
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
