is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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