Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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