I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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