is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
