the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
