He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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