I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
