i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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